


Gymmstein

by hanhanhan156



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Flake's treadmill, Fluff while exercising, I honestly dunno, M/M, My stupid jokes, Naked Till, Perhaps one of the stupidest things I've ever written, Things escalate a bit, Yoga, gym fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:03:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanhanhan156/pseuds/hanhanhan156
Summary: Richard had promised to Schneider and Ollie that he’d attend to a yoga class with them at their gym shift. It ends up though that listening to a calm woman voice from speakers and trying to concentrate on his own breathing aren’t really his things after all.Fortunately, Paul will make it sure that his fellow guitarist’s gym time doesn’t end up being as dull as he thought it would have been at first.





	Gymmstein

**Author's Note:**

> I have no other explanations for this than @tillscar's brilliant post on Tumblr. Thanks for the idea.

“Inhale 1...2...3...4…exhale 1…2…3…4,” an exaggerated calm woman voice from the recording repeated. From the three men - sitting on the freezing floor, in impossible positions - one of them wasn’t really convinced.

“Imagine that you are in your dream place, in your sanctuary. You remain calm, everything is well. As you proceed, you start to inhale 1…2…3…4…”

_Fuck this, how could it be anyhow possible to remain calm while my legs are hurting like hell. _Richard had been attending to Ollie’s and Schneider’s stupid yoga class just for fun, because he didn’t know what else he could do at the gym. Now it seemed like it was a really bad idea in the end. The cross-legged position wasn’t really the most convenient and if they had to lay down on the mattress, he would end up - without a question - falling asleep. He didn’t really get why his fellow bandmembers praised this so much.

“It’s gonna be lots of fun, you’ll definitely like it! Besides, it will help you with all the stress, I assure you,” Schneider had tried to convince their lead guitarist before.

Richard opened his eyes a bit, just to make sure that his friends were still concentrating on listening to the artificial, tranquil voice from the speakers. At the same time, he was wondering why on earth he signed up for this in the first place.

“Next, we will do an upward dog pose, but first, we have to be prepared for it. Let your inner spiritual energy flow freely and inhale 1…2…3…4…”

_Sorry lady, but I’m not in the same lengths right now with you and your spiritual energy. _Richard wanted to get out of here as swiftly as he could. He made sure that the others were concentrating on their breathing and without saying anything, he sneaked out of the yoga room, trying to close the door softly so he wouldn’t arise the attention of his fellow bandmembers. He didn’t really want to explain to Ollie and Schneider - the devoted yoga enthusiasts - why he wanted to escape in the middle of the exercise they considered so precious.

_An upward dog position…_ he giggled himself still while wandering around the gym. The name of the position reminded him of something entirely different physical activity than yoga.

In the darkest possible corner, he saw Till who was elbowing a punching bag, yelling loudly every time he hit. Their singer was fond of boxing and weightlifting and did them every time they were at the gym – and of course, loyal to his own style, without bothering to put any clothes on. At first, they all had laughed at their singer’s urge to exercise naked, but in the end, nobody questioned it anymore. In some grotesque way, semipublic nudity seemed like his natural form. Richard didn’t want to participate in the naked exercise though, so he tried to avoid the eager boxer as best as he could. Till had tried to convince Richard that it was actually much more comfortable to exercise naked - and his reasoning for it was that you didn’t have to bother about the sweaty clothing or anything else. “It makes you to feel so free,” he had said. Still, Richard preferred to do laundry than to train nude with their singer. He wasn’t so much of a “nature’s child” as his friend after all.

While proceeding in the gym, Richard saw Flake on his infamous treadmill, deeply in his own thoughts. Nobody would ever think that a man so slim would enjoy his time at the gym - and to be precise, he wasn’t fond of weightlifting or any other “manly” stuff. Instead, he always put his favorite gadget to the maximum speed and jumped right into it when it was on the run. Richard really didn’t see what the point of walking towards nowhere was, but the keyboardist - with his headphones now tightly on his ears - seemed to have a time of his life with the mindless jogging. Flake had told that in his free time he liked to listen to classical music opposite to their own band’s heavy tunes. Richard could now only hear their keyboardist’s humming which resembled a tiny bit of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and seeing him moving his hands like a conductor at the same time. Flake was so deeply concentrated on his own fun that Richard couldn’t help it but to think, would his bandmate be sucked into a black hole if he continued his exercise for too long.

Finally - after all the marveling of his bandmates’ gym activities - Richard reached his destination, the dressing room. He sat down on a bench and looked at the clock on the wall - still one hour left from their shift. _I’m definitely not going back to yoga anymore, so how on earth I could pass all this time left. _

He was moving around restlessly, scrolling his phone occasionally, but there wasn’t actually anything interesting there. Eventually, he sighed and put the phone away and tried his best to find out something to do. Richard wasn’t really a person who could spend an hour in his own thoughts, doing nothing, so this was quite a challenging situation for him.

Right in front of where he was standing was an entire wall covered by a huge mirror - it was technically impossible to avoid staring at yourself from it. Richard scrutinized his familiar features with a concerned look on his face. Somehow, aging was bothering him a bit sometimes. It was tough to admit that he wasn’t so young anymore and it was more and more visible from his looks as well. He felt like with every passing year he got 5 new wrinkles as a birthday gift, and he had noticed that he had to dye his hair more often to hide the natural greying color. Nobody had ever mentioned anything, and it didn’t really matter, but yet, somehow, getting old concerned him now and then. But more than his face, Richard was worried about getting a bit of weight. He turned sideways and patted his belly - it was difficult for himself to admit that it was now more visible than 10 years ago when he wasn’t feeling uneasy at all about performing topless. But the merciless truth was that every single living organism on this planet had to age, and unfortunately, he wasn’t an exception. It was totally understandable that when being at his 50’s, it was completely fine to prefer relaxing to arduous exercising - especially when they were touring or recording.

While thoughts fixed on his own image Richard didn’t see there was a figure approaching behind him from the shadows.

“BOO!” a familiar voice shouted, squeezing him from the sides at the same time.

Richard startled so much that he almost hit himself to the lockers. “Heilige Scheisse, you scared me shitless,” he said, turning to face Paul, who almost had given him an untimely heart attack. “Don’t ever do that again…”

The other man smirked. He was happy when he had gotten his friend off guard. “Sorry, I just couldn’t resist while you looked so concentrated.” _And hot_, he almost wanted to add, but managed to control it in the end. “I’m surprised to see you here, because I thought you were supposed to attend to the yoga with Schneider and Ollie.”

Richard shrugged his shoulders, looking a bit awkward. “Let’s just say that it wasn’t really my thing after all.”

“I see. Honestly, I would have fallen asleep if I was there. I really don’t get the fuss around it.”

Suddenly, the “upward dog pose” reappeared into Richard’s mind, making him to chuckle slightly. “Yeah, it was pretty dull to be honest. But may I ask, why are you here, lurking in the shadows?” He could only wonder how long his fellow guitarist had been stalking his intimate moment.

“I’m just bored as well. Besides, I try to avoid nude Till as best as I can.”

They both laughed. “Yeah, I definitely don’t want to be involved in his naked weightlifting anyhow,” Richard agreed.

Paul was being a bit restless. Like his friend, he liked to have some action. “So, what are you up to? We still have some time left and to be honest, I really don’t want to just goof around. Now when we have a chance, it would be nice to do some exercising.”

“Do you have anything in your mind?” the other man asked.

They were thinking for a while when Paul came up with something. “Hey, I have an idea which both of us will definitely like!”

“…okay, which is?” _Hopefully it’s not Zumba or anything else as horrifying._

“I want to challenge you!” Paul almost yelled, boyish excitement in his voice.

Richard wasn’t as eager as his friend about this “challenge”. “What kind of…challenge are you talking about?”

“We could do some simple exercises like push-ups and stuff, and in the end, the one who has been doing more, is the winner. It’s gonna be so much fun, you’ll definitely like it!”

_I’ve heard that somewhere before. _Richard couldn’t make up anything better, so he was unable to say no even though he was a bit suspicious. “Okay, maybe we could at least give it a try.”

Paul clapped his hands together, still smirking like a lunatic. _Seriously, will that grin ever fade away from his face?_ “Wunderbar! Let’s do it then.”

Richard looked at his slightly terrified face one last time from the mirror before he followed Paul back to the gym.

On purpose, they took the farthest possible corner from the naked Till, who was now proceeding with weightlifting, with even louder yelling than before. The disturbing soundtrack of the gym was now a mixture of Till’s screams and the jingling of his barbell.

Paul brought them a couple of mattresses. “Okay, I’ll start,” he said, looking for something from his phone at the same time. “We’ll start by doing planks and the winner is the one who can stay longer.”

“Okay... But can you at least tell me, what does the winner of this challenge of yours get in the end?”

“Don’t bother yourself too much about it, let’s just have some fun now,” Paul answered, with a bit of teasing in his tone.

Richard couldn’t think about the vague answer for very long when unexpectedly, the other guitarist put some too familiar tunes from his phone. “Seriously, from all of the songs from the world you chose Du hast? Haven’t we listened to our own music enough already?”

“In my opinion, it suits to gym very well, or do you prefer listening to Till’s mellifluous training vocalizations instead?”

“Okay, okay, you’re right, but only this time. I’ll choose the next one.”

They put a timer on from Richard’s phone and there they were, two world-famous Rammstein guitarists doing planks, Du hast playing loud in the background. It was difficult for Richard to concentrate while he was giggling so much.

“Imagine if somebody would break in and would see what we are doing…”

“Would be pretty interesting indeed,” Paul answered without noting the other man’s comment so much. Planking was serious business for him.

“Then they’d think that we are so proud of ourselves that we even listen to our own music in our free time.” Richard could already see the trashy headlines in his head: “_Click here for the pictures of the two cocky Rammstein cuties, training together, listening to their infamous song, Du hast!! Can’t they just get enough of themselves already?” _

The planking seemed to continue forever and forever, and Richard felt like his arms and legs were already trembling while Paul was remaining so still, that permanent smirk on his face. His eyes were fixed on Richard’s all the time.

“FUCK!!” the other man finally yelled and to Paul’s joy, collapsed back to the mattress.

“So, seems like we have the first winner then,” Richard could hear the triumphant voice in front of him. He didn’t even bother to look at Paul’s face because he was so annoyed to even hear the pride of his friend. “1-0 for me.”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me know, like I wouldn’t have figured it out anyway else,” Richard said, bitterness in his voice. He hated to lose.

“Just wanted to remind you. But, I’m so gentle that I allow you to choose the next exercise and music, as I promised.”

Even though losing troubled him a tiny bit, Richard tried not to think about it too much - at least he was happy that they could change from their own music finally. Till was still yelling in the background so he was trying to be as quick as he could and in no time, they had their next soundtrack: some random upbeat 80’s music. In Richard’s opinion, the cheesy retro melodies suited the situation much better than their own songs - or maybe he had just too many memories from their way too familiar pieces.

“We’ll do push-ups.” He seriously hoped that Paul wouldn’t be staring at him again all the time.

With the energetic music playing in the background they were once again exercising face to face. Richard was wondering could it be possible that Paul had come even closer to him this time. The disturbing gaze was still there, but Richard tried not to bother it too much - he really wanted to win this time. He had always been good at doing push-ups so he had high hopes for this. In the end, Richard was actually much faster than his friend who seemed to be focused on entirely different things than into their dumb little exercise.

When the time finally ran out, they both laid down back to the mattress, heads almost clashing to each other. “So, I guess we have 1-1 now,” Richard announced, trying to sound proud through his heavy panting.

“At least for now. Next one, crunches,” Paul answered quickly, ready to move to the other set. _I’m not gonna lose to you, verdammt._

The timer went on once again, but it was impossible for Paul to do anything when his training partner started a constant chanting: “Tier, Fleisch, Tier, Fleisch, Tier…”

“Reesh, what the hell…” Paul cracked up completely and was unable to rise from the ground when his abs hurt so much already from laughter.

“Shut up, it helps me to concentrate and to count how many I’ve done already. Fleisch, Tier…” Richard continued. He was pleased that he was able to disturb Paul who had made him to feel so uneasy earlier.

Paul tried to gather himself and continued doing crunches very slowly. “It’s just a bit disturbing when you’re repeating ‘animal’ and ‘flesh’ so loud. Seriously…”

“So, whose idea was this whole ‘challenge thing’ in the first place? Tier, Fleisch, Tier…”

“Okay, okay…”

Paul tried his best to catch up but failed in the end. It seemed liked even though how goofy it had sounded, the chanting had been effective.

“2-1”, Richard said and smirked.

_Now I really have to improve my performance_, Paul decided.

They continued with squats, step-ups and several little exercises, and in the end, they had a tie. Paul didn’t want to admit out loud that he was exhausted as hell, but having the same points as his friend released the adrenaline boost inside him which he really needed now.

“Okay, you’ll choose the last one,” Richard said. He was so pleased with winning this round - he had barely managed to do wall sit just a couple of seconds longer than his companion.

“Let’s do side plank.”

For some reason unknown, Richard had a bad feeling about this, but still, he was too stubborn to say no or to suggest anything else.

It was evident that Paul had practiced this - actually, he didn’t seem to have any difficulties at all, while Richard tried to hide his hard time. He was barely able to hold himself still. Richard assured himself that after this “Paul’s oh-so-magnificent challenge” he would never, ever do planks anymore. And what was irritating him the most was that his old wrist problem was reminding of itself just now, at the worst possible moment.

“Scheisse…” Richard mumbled himself, looking at the floor while the other guitarist had his eyes once again fixed on his. Paul sent him a blow kiss and said in a disgusting sweet tone: “Wie geht’s, mein Liebling?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

They were holding there for a while, when suddenly Richard couldn’t take it anymore. He really didn’t want to injure his wrist so maybe he just had to allow Paul to win - but only for this time.

He collapsed to the mattress and closed his eyes, swearing silently himself. _Damn it…_

When Paul realized what had just happened, he stood up immediately, and started to jump around the other man, cheering at the same time: “YESSSSSS, WHO’S THE WINNER, HUH??? SAY IT OUT LOUD, WHO’S THE WINNER!!”

“Okay, okay, I know you’re proud as hell of yourself, but you won only because I didn’t want to break my wrist. It was just pure luck. Don’t forget that I was much faster doing push-ups and crunches than you.”

Paul looked at the other man, turning his head to the side and acting like he was suddenly pouting when he didn’t get the reaction he wanted from his friend. “Are you not gonna even congratulate me?”

Richard sighed. “Congratulations then. What do you want now?” He was a bit concerned about what Paul wanted as his prize, but he tried to soothe himself_. Well, if I can get out of this by buying him a crate of beer or offering him a dinner, it shouldn’t be so bad after all. _

But Paul didn’t want to go easy on his friend when he had - at least once in this lifetime - won. Usually, being the second guitarist, Paul didn’t get the full attention in their concerts, so this time, he wanted to enjoy his victory the fullest.

Richard couldn’t see his friend’s mischievous look when he approached him so quickly and started to tickle him. Paul was enjoying the fact that his friend couldn’t stand tickling and used it ruthlessly.

“Fuck you...this is…unfair…” Richard tried to sound annoyed, but his laughter - which almost resembled screaming already - didn’t really sound convincing. His friend’s misery made Paul to continue his action even harder.

Their weird combat - a mixture of wrestling and tickling - seemed to last forever. They had suddenly transformed into two 5-year-old kids again, fighting over a piece of candy or something as silly. Richard was just hoping that Paul would get fed up with this soon. At least they both were tired as hell already.

When it little by little started to look like their stupid combat would finally come to its end, to Richard’s utter surprise, Paul somehow managed to get on top of him, even though being a lot smaller man. He pushed Richard’s arms against the mattress and sat on his belly with his full weight. Technically, it was impossible for Richard to move anywhere - he was completely locked right there. He could now only lay under the other man, arms spread, being in a submissive position – it was quite disturbing.

They both were still panting, and Richard couldn’t really get what his friend was up to now. They just kept staring at each other before Richard managed to say, totally confused: “…is there something wrong with my face or what’s going on?”

“Absolutely nothing is wrong with your face.”

“…then why are you looking at me like that? And it would be nice to be able to move.”

“That’s out of question, I’m afraid.”

“And why, may I ask?”

“Because I won, don’t you remember? It means that I can decide now, what I want as my prize,” Paul whispered right into the other man’s ear, nibbling it at the same time. “And you’d definitely make a nice concubine, I have to say.”

Richard gulped loudly. He didn’t want to admit that this was actually pretty _enjoyable_, so he just kept acting like he was still annoyed. “…okay Paul, enough jokes already, what on earth do you want now?”

There was a brief silent moment while Richard couldn’t read anything from Paul’s face - he was being almost in a dream-like state. Paul leaned forward, and without any prior warning, he pressed his lips on Richard’s. The first touch was tender, like testing how does the kissing feel, but as they carried on, their slight smooching went into a more passionate level – and Paul was still pressing his friend down to the mattress. Richard really wouldn’t have wanted to admit that being submissive to Paul was actually nice for a change, even though it had been a bit awkward at first. The only thing he could do now was to answer to the kisses as best as he could. _So, if this is what you want, then you should have it, damn it._ The world around turned invisible for a while, like there was only _they _now.

Unfortunately, the magical moment didn’t have a chance to last for very long.

They didn’t at first hear the awkward cough behind them which was followed by a voice so familiar: “Es tut mir wirklich Leit, mein Herren.”

Paul got so scared when he heard the sarcastic voice that he immediately stood up, and stared at their intruder completely horrified, cheeks in flames. Richard was still lying on the floor - he froze completely so he didn’t even manage to sit up. It was a bit similar feeling when their teacher had busted him smoking in the schoolyard in elementary school decades ago.

Schneider was laughing when he saw the absurd sight in front of him. Behind him was Ollie who didn’t say anything, but looked slightly amused as well. “You two remind me of my kids when I once caught them stealing from a cookie jar which I had hidden in our kitchen cupboard.” He moved his eyes to the man lying still on the floor. “So, this was why you escaped from our yoga class, Reesh?”

Now finally, Richard managed to sit up at least. “Well…I…”

Schneider shook his head and gave a laugh. He couldn’t be even mad; this was way too hilarious to be true. “Just wanted to remind you that the gym shift ends in 5 minutes, and we have to start soon our rehearsals, but maybe it doesn’t matter so much if you were already planning to stay here and continue your…stuff.”

“…a…ha” Paul managed to form a voice from his mouth which resembled distantly a word.

Very soon, Flake and Till - still naked - joined them. “Was ist denn los?” Flake looked seriously concerned because he didn’t have any clue what was going on. Till had an instinct what was this all about and he didn’t say anything - just smiled himself. “And why is Reesh on the floor, do you need help or something?” their keyboardist asked.

Richard gulped and answered: “Alles ist gut…” Then he finally stood up, acting like everything was completely normal even though he felt a bit dizzy. “Yeah, we should…go.”

To his fortune, Till and Flake didn’t dare to ask more - instead, they hurried to the dressing room. Schneider gave the one last look to the busted men before he joined his other bandmates with Ollie.

Paul offered his hand to Richard’s. They both looked at each other and tried to hold back their laughter. Finally, they managed to proceed and follow the others, hand in hand. “Okay, that was probably…the most interesting gym time of my life, I have to admit,” Richard whispered to his friend.

“Anytime you’re bored, just ask from me and we’ll figure out something,” Paul said and winked. They stopped right there and looked at each other with utter adoration. Richard turned his head to the side, eyes fixed on Paul’s. He opened his mouth and was about to say something, but to his harm, he was interrupted by Schneider from the dressing room’s door: “C’mon you disgusting lovebirds, hurry up! Rehearsals are starting so we’d better keep going. We don’t have the whole day!”

They both started to run - to upset the others was the last thing they wanted now after the embarrassing episode. They had a lot of explaining to do later for each other and for their bandmates, but right now, they didn’t really mind about it so much.

“I’ll tell you later,” Richard said to Paul and pressed a light kiss on his forehead.

Schneider saw the act from the distance and shook his head, mumbling himself: “Those two are impossible…”


End file.
